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Cultural Differences in Conflict Resolution in Marriage

Marriage, the joining of two people, is commonly perceived as the joining of families, traditions and often cultures.

But different cultural backgrounds bring with them varied ways of resolving conflict. How couples navigate through differences may be influenced by cultural beliefs, values and ways of communicating. Recognising and working with these issues can encourage a more positive and longer-lasting relationship.

The influence of culture on conflict resolution styles
It is worth noting that culture plays a great role in determining how individuals perceive conflict and what they do in the event of a dispute. For example, in collective societies – typical to Asian, African and Latin American societies – harmony preservation and priority of the family over individual needs is crucial. In such cultures, conflicts are managed in a way that is less confrontational to preserve the family or social unit. By comparison, individualistic cultures, for instance ones in the United States and Western Europe tend to take a rather selfish approach placing more importance on personal needs and direct communication as well as seeing the conflict as an opportunity for development and self-expression.

These cultural orientations influence how couples communicate, but also how they express their emotions, and make decisions in the context of conflict. For example, a partner from a collectivist culture may tend to be more indirect or subtle in expressing conflict dissatisfactions while a partner from an individualistic culture may be more open or direct.

Common cultural conflict resolution styles
1. Avoidance and accommodation
In harmony-valuing cultures, for example, Japan, China, some African and Middle Eastern cultures etc., avoiding or accommodating the other partner’s concerns is a common strategy. Avoidance means not dealing with the conflict, while accommodation means giving in to the other person’s wishes. This approach may be appropriate for accommodating the other person in a non – substantive way (e.g., where to go for lunch) or when the relationship is more important than the substantive issues at stake. Resentments can build, however, if issues are not addressed over time.

2. Compromise and collaboration
Compromise is based on the notion that a good relationship is one of some degree of sacrifice, often found in Scandinavian and many Western cultures. Here both partners give up something to reach a middle-ground that is acceptable to both.

Collaboration on the other hand, which is more often seen in Western and some South American cultures, implies open communication and solving problems together for the good of both partners. It can be healthy to need both sides to such a continuum but it may also require both individuals in this style to be highly skilled communicators, patient and willing.

3. Competition and assertiveness
In individualistic societies where personal expression is highly valued, such as the United States, conflict resolution may involve a more assertive approach. Some partners may compete to “win” the argument, valuing their own perspective more. While this approach can lead to quick decision-making, it can sometimes cause additional stress in relationships, as one partner might feel overpowered or disregarded.

Challenges of intercultural marriage in conflict resolution
When two people from different cultural backgrounds marry, their approach to conflict can lead to misunderstandings. For example, one partner might interpret avoidance as disinterest or lack of care, while the other partner might see direct confrontation as aggressive or insensitive.

Understanding these differences and developing a culturally sensitive approach can improve how couples manage conflict. Below are some of the key challenges and strategies to navigate them:
Communication Style Differences
Direct versus indirect communication is a common issue. Couples need to recognize that a person’s reluctance to argue openly may be cultural rather than . In such cases, setting time aside to discuss issues in a way that respects each other’s styles can help.

Family involvement
In some cultures, family is heavily involved in conflict resolution, while in others, conflicts are seen as private matters. Couples from different backgrounds should discuss how involved their families will be in resolving issues, setting boundaries as needed.

Time and patience
Cultural differences can lead to frustration if one partner feels their approach to conflict is not being respected. Building patience and seeking to understand each other’s values can help, as can learning about each other’s culture. Counseling can also be beneficial for intercultural couples, providing strategies to navigate these differences.

Building a bridge between cultures
For intercultural marriages, successful conflict resolution requires empathy, open-mindedness, and willingness to adapt. Here are some ways couples can bridge cultural gaps:

Learn each other’s conflict styles
Take time to discuss cultural differences openly. Learning about each other’s background, family expectations, and how conflicts were traditionally resolved can help couples respect and understand each other’s approaches.

Create a new “culture” together
Couples can work to develop a blended approach that incorporates both backgrounds. By establishing shared rules for resolving conflicts—such as taking breaks during heated arguments or having regular check-ins to discuss unresolved issues—couples can create a unique culture that respects both partners’ needs.

Seek professional guidance
Intercultural couples might benefit from speaking with a therapist experienced in multicultural relationships. Such guidance can provide tools for effective communication and empathy building, which can be especially useful when navigating complex cultural dynamics.


Conclusion
Cultural differences in conflict resolution can either be a source of tension or a unique strength in marriage. Couples who are willing to learn about and respect each other’s approaches to conflict can create a relationship that’s both resilient and enriched by their diverse backgrounds. By embracing each other’s perspectives and developing a new, unified approach, intercultural couples can foster a harmonious marriage that grows stronger through understanding and mutual respect.

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